Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Ahh, the Life...err I mean, Argh.

Yesterday, we got home from work and immediately changed into pajamas; it was one of those days. We were discussing some plans for this month and indulging in brownies and milk when we heard a light tap, tap on the door. Mr. X rolled his eyes, but went to the door in his flannel pants.

Our neighbor's on-again boyfriend "Thor" was at the door. He didn't say anything just pointed and I heard Mr. X say, "Uh, I don't recognize him. Hmm, I can smell him." Thor grunted, "I'm taking care of it."

Since Thor could win a Hulk Hogan look-alike contest, Mr. X didn't object.

At this point I could distinctly hear snoring, so I peeked my head out the door. From there I saw a heavy boot and pant leg on the hallway floor. A DRUNK WAS SLEEPING IT OFF IN OUR ARCTIC ENTRY!

About 10 minutes later I hear another neighbor - who definitely shouldn't take up pro-wrestling - wake the guy up, "Hey, Bro. You gotta get up. Come on Bro. My neighbor called the po-lice and, Man, I don't want you to go to jail. You gotta get up and get out of here." At which point the inebriate lashed out, verbally assaulting the poor kid, "I don't **** have to **** go **** anywhere **** I don't **** have **** **** to ***** worry about." He went on like this until he passed out again.

20 minutes after that, I hear a cheery and enthusiastic voice, "Hey there, it's Officer Hayes! How's it going? You're at the wrong apartment. Yeah, I know but you can't stay here. (laughter) I don't usually see you out here; you're usually downtown. (laughter) Who're you visiting? Friends or family? Can I give you a ride? You ready? Come on, let's go."

On one hand it's pretty creepy to live in a place that invites this type of visitor. On the other, it was a terribly wet, windy and cold evening. At least he wasn't passed out in a puddle?

Either way, I'm counting on him NOT remembering where he was last night so he can't come back.


  1. I'm glad he only made it to the Arctic entry and not to your bathtub or cozy bed. He was probably easier to get rid of than a drunk or sober bear!!!

  2. you are a wonderful writer, thanks for a great story!


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